Anticipate shenanigans

Most of us learn how to date from movies, romance novels, and scripted television shows. As a result, we think dating is supposed to go a certain way. An easy way. A magical way. It rarely ever does.

The truth is, at some point during the dating process you may be hurt and disappointed. Dating is not magic, it’s trial and error. When you download a dating app, you need to anticipate some shenanigans.

For example, it’s important to understand that you may meet people on a dating app who will:

lie
be (c)rude
love bomb you
play mind games
not call you or return your calls
not plan dates or follow-up dates
ghost you on the app, or in-person
unmatch you suddenly with no warning
be married or in committed relationships
tell you they’re looking for similar things, when they’re not, etc.

I know that sounds terrible but it’s not that different from dating offline. You can be anyone you want to be online, and anonymity sometimes breeds bad behaviour. If that doesn’t stop you from using social media, it shouldn’t stop you from using dating apps either.

To be clear, I’m not saying everyone on the apps will be like this, or that you should tolerate abuse, or bad behaviour of any kind. I just want you to acknowledge and understand that you’re bound to meet some bad daters when you download a dating app.

It’s the reason why in part 1 of this series, I emphasized the importance of knowing why you’re on a dating app before you download it. Knowing your why helps you weed out anyone who doesn’t align with your goals.

My point is, do not tolerate the shenanigans but don’t be caught off guard when you see them. Dating requires vulnerability. Which means you might get hurt or disappointed. That’s okay.

If it happens, take a break, consider seeing a therapist to process your feelings, and whenever you’re ready, try again. 😊

xoxo,
Bridget, The Dating Doula
www.shopdatingdoula.com

P.S. If you need an online dating plan, feel free to book a Dating Blueprint strategy session with me.